Ange 1, Alarm 0

Once again I’ve beaten my alarm to the punch. My body is tired but my mind is already racing.

There is absolutely no time for BS or drama and simplicity is becoming more and more of a necessity. My life revolves around Jen’s every move and need; time is a painful enemy.

The sun is coming up.

On the radio and in print today!

Hey Everyone,


If you get this in time, I will be on the radio today! Here is the info:

I’ll be talking with Dee Perry from Ideastream today. If you are in the Cleveland/Akron area, tune it to 90.3 WCPN from 12:40-1PM.
You can also stream live from this link – rams/live
The good folks from Ideastream also posted a photo gallery here –

Also, pick up a copy of today’s Cleveland Plain Dealer and go to the health section to read Angela Townsend’s article about Jen and Me.



So I’m drinking a cup of coffee after midnight as I look at Jen in her Urgent Care bed. She’s been dry heaving all day and has fought me tooth and nail to not eat or drink anything. Today has been one of my most challenging days. I’m exhausted after last night and I saw this coming. The problem is that nothing sounds good to eat for Jen. Her appetite is so twisted from chemo and everything else that’s going on in her body that everything, aside from an occasional popsicle, sounded gross today. My dad told me that unless you’ve had chemo you can’t understand how bad food sounds…today I found that out. I couldn’t get Jen to eat or even drink water. I know I didn’t “fail” but it’s hard when I can’t get through to her.
Supposed to catch a 12:30 flight tomorrow…

Thank You

Thanks to the following people for their support and contributions to my exhibit

Bob Kamp

Leslie Harris

Stephanie Picton

Lisa McCummings

Adam Saurwein

Greg Clark

Amy Moyer

Danielle Bumpers

Tracy Kirincic

Michelle Long

James Svagerko

Mary Ann Merendino

Patricia Forbes

Catherine McCoy

Judy Mackenzie

Ian Sutton

Mary K Walsh

Kendra Coppey

Seryn Potter

Carie Ketz

Nicole Xylouri Osborne

Dan & Danielle Grantham

Tina Esposito

Sasha and Lydia Rau Fazzio

Beverly Pinckney

Lisa Van Eyssen

Margaret Baughman

Vickie Schela

Mena Merendino

Tamara Fannell

Michael Rivette

Mark, Tony and Susan Usberghi

Annie Balocating

Lisa Bauman

Darren Kuhnau

Juliana Van Norden

Kelly Patterson

Barbara Gionti

Ng Rui Ting Amelia

William Gish

Susanna Feder

Garrie Waltzer

What next?

Heading back to New York, disoriented and empty. With every urge to call Jen my heart breaks. At the showing I kept waiting for Jen to open her eyes and call my name. When I realized that she wasn’t going to get up I wanted to crawl into the casket just like I used to do in her hospital bed.

Each time I fall a little lower I think to myself, “maybe this is the bottom and it’s only up from here.” So far I’m still falling.

All over the place

So I don’t really know where to start…the last few weeks, on top of the last few months, have been so intense. I don’t really realize this until I start to wind down at the end of the day, then things hit me. When Jen is in the hospital, things really hit hard as I am alone in our apartment. When I am with Jen, I am focused, positive and upbeat; I block out thoughts that will only slow me down. I have to do this to keep my feet near the ground.

So many great things have happened recently. My exhibition was an incredible evening that I am still buzzing over. There was so much love in that room and I came home with some momentum. I needed that. Plus, the donations enable me to take care of Jen and not think about money for a while. I cannot describe how thankful I am to everyone who has donated to our cause. We know that not everyone has a support group like we do and we are thankful every day.

That said, it is still brutal and relentless watching Jen suffer. It is so hard to sit in her hospital room without wanting to crawl into the fetal position and wail. Why Jennifer? She is so special and has touched countless lives by just being herself and she gets cancer???

The few eyelashes that Jen has remind me of her. They won’t fall out.